day 30 in a life

Grey is over.
We made it through the winter!
The colour is slowly returning to my heart again.
Red as the blood I give.
The door is opening to the summer. 
Today I am bleeding. A lot.
My fertility is heightened with the birth of the flowers.
The sap is rising in the trees. 
The scent of creation is in the air. 
Newly cut grass and dew.

New dreams are sprouting after this new moon.
I feel lifted.

Letting go of expectations.
From my words, of others efforts, my own efforts.
Letting go of the fear of not making my dreams reality.
Relaxing into time.
Time that passes, time that does not exists.
No resistance to the beat of the drum.
The drum of spirit.
 Gently guiding me to stay still, for a while.
Before the wild dance in Sweden begins.


day 17 in a life

Today, horisontal, with a slightly weakened spirit.
pondering on the need for an internal spring-clean.
Juice fasting perhaps.
Right now: indulging in the dream of summer.

Had disturbing dreams last night:
Being soaked in lighterfuel and set on fire by an unknown man, fighting, screaming and kicking...
According to the oracle of google that means I'm holding onto anger, passion and creativity.


day 16 in a life

How do I know,
how to spend my days in the best way possible.

When do I stop searching, for something better, than, this.

How do I make space in my mind and heart for the perfectness of every moment.

What is happiness?

What am I meant to do for the best of all?

Who is this "I"?
who is experiencing this...

fuck it! I'll just watch Netflix...


day 13 in life

The spring-sunshine has arrived to the UK.
Gym, busking, spring-cleaning inside and outside.

I want to let anyone interested know about this AWESOME website:
- Take online university courses.
earn your diplomas in your area of interest, world-class tutors.
...Did I mention it's for free?
This is the future of education.
I'm currently taking a course in traditional mexican folk medicine "Curanderismo" - recommendable to anyone who find natural medicine/healing interesting.
It covers a wide range of healing techniques from ancient times.

I love the concept.
All education should be readily available and off charge to anyone.
- It's happening.
 Spread the love of knowledge!


day 12 in life

turbulent week,
It's a gift to look back at... I see the confusion of it all. I become sane and return to soulful tranquillity on morning like this.
Blessed morning.
Yellow clouds, rosy clouds. 
Everything passes.
And I am ready for today.
Ready to greet my boyfriend good-morning with coffee and a smile. 
Ready to play my music for people on the street. 
Ready to sit under a tree and pray for courage to see what I need to do, to be a loving, peaceful, compassionate, present sister in a world of frustration, depression and fear.

The other day I had what my boyfriend described as a "mini-breakdown".
These happened quite a few times these last few months.
This happened on the day before the full-moon eclipse in Libra.
with some sort of build-up, it bursted.
I cry, I shake.
I don't know where I am going, who I am trying to be.
What all of this is.
this life.

In this time, every day feeling like a major journey to the heart of my fear.
Sometimes I have the fearlessness to overcome it.
Sometimes it consumes me. 

Fear of not being good enough.
Not being loved by others,
Not achieving my goals,
not being a good partner,
not ever letting go of stored heaviness, or "karma"

It's all very mind-bending and quite laughable.

In my pursuit to be a healthy, honest, openhearted being.
I fall once in a while.

and I am not the only one.

Today I can smile about it.


day 10 in life

A day of some sort of... self-pity.

Shadow, darkness and dull grey skies.

Full moon eclipse, tomorrow.

I feel distant from my partner.
Distant from my heart.
Distant from my needs.
Distant from my dreams.
I find it difficult to shake myself out of this.
Challenging to show myself to others in this vulnerable state.

Yet, I know this is when magic happens.
Clarity, strength and health will follow with kind of strong medicine.

For now... I cry, pray and sit still whilst being comforted by the songs of the rainforest:


day 7 in life

I am in awe.

Right now I'm here.
After playing on the street, with my 6 strings.
When playing I find that children's natural curiosity and generosity is such a beautiful wonder.
When they tug at their parents sleeves and humbly ask if they may throw some money in my case.
They way they wave and greet me with laughter, dance or smiles.
No pretentiousness, avoidance,  or rushing past.
They don't want to miss out, on life.
They know and feel the immediate quality of stopping and experiencing, whatever is.
They always stop, slow down, look back when walking past.
The little ones.
Just to see, listen, discover, enjoy. 
All they want is beauty, fun and contact.

This makes it worth it.
Sitting on the grey, cold stone floor, in drizzling rain.
Singing my songs. Mostly for deaf ears. 
But once in a while you get these diamonds. Making an appearance.
Bringing you free coffee.
Offering you smiles.
Dancing to your music.

Mostly, I am in awe of the kids.

Here's some music for you: