8.21.2014

Germany day 3


Garden work;
planting beetroots and fennel really agrees with me. 
I love the feeling that I'm helping life grow, down, into the ground, up, into the air. 
This make me feel connected to the beetroots and fennels in an incredible way.
Also harvesting potatoes feels really satisfying. 
They've been living in the ground for so long, living, growing, and now they are ready to nourish our bodies.
Also; I randomly bursted into tears today after accidentally stabbing a rainworm with a gardening tool.
I had to gather a lot of self-control within me in order to not cry hysterically.
I felt so bad, and that really surprised me.


I'm joggling this insecurity around within me. 
It's about just how much work to do.
The kind man who owns this piece of earth told us this morning that honesty above all is important to him, and if we need to work a lot or do nothing for a while, it's all good. I really emphasis this. 
But some part of me feels guilty each time I sit down for a break.
Like right now. 
I can hear them making dinner in the kitchen, and I feel like I SHOULD do something. 
It's this "should". 
Basically I don't have to do anything. This is why this is so interesting. 
I keep thinking: "I've been working good and hard 5 hours today and you don't have to do more now, you've done your share." 
Followed by: "You can't just sit here on your ass, when this man is giving you a place to stay and food to eat." 
But I see the irony.

Right now I am learning to be in this collective sharing household.
This man's philosophy is simple:
Sharing, being.
Sharing work tasks and sharing lives. Dreams, food, time. 
I do not get the feeling that I am a complete stranger in this atmosphere, but I need some time to get into
this sharing-energy. Being used to living alone with my own economy, my own food, my own room, my own time.

It's good for me to get outside my old comfort zone into the sphere of others, because; 
We are one.
I'm continuasly finding myself in situations where the question:
How much should I participate?
How much should I engage myself in the thing going on around me, but at the same time I'm in peace.
It's all observations right now.

Once again my finest job right now is to simplify. 



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