I'm learning very important lessons of patience and trust.
Vivid colorful dreams of confusion.
I have not left germany yet, as I expected myself to.
I was called to join yet another Ayahuasca ceremony this friday, so I decided to stay and participate.
Tuesday I will go to Italy. Finally. Until then, I remain in this beautiful nature.
Laundry folding and water fasting.
I feel really good. Cleaning out in my body still.
I'm so grateful for having clean spring water to drink.
Theres is a good atmosphere with the volunteers at the moment.
A motivated and cheerful couple that has been staying for two weeks, bringing an uplifting energy just departed.
Again I am reminded how everyone that comes into our lives, always brings experiences and realizations in a manner that fits our current needs and states of being. They are a reflection of our inner world. Our guru's and challenges.
Spending time in the beautiful nature here calms me down. Takes me away from my expectations of what is to come, an hour, a week, a month from now.
Nature embraces me and knows, that nothing of this exists yet.
To make me see this the birds chirp a little louder, and the winds bites a little harder, sun shines a bit brighter.
It's like they are saying "come back to the beauty of this moment, Italy is not going anywhere"
My world has been turned upside up. I'm a child of the universe. The universe is a child of me.
I've been here before and I'll be here again.
Part of the women and part of the men.
I'm here to release all of my fear. Come to peace with my relations, and discover what it means to be alive. Give up my attachments and give up my confusion, and guide the world to a place that is beyond all illusion.
I've seen the beautiful geometry that surrounds all of our hearts.
We are the group of one. Violence ends where love begins.
I now choose to actively and consciously dream this dream of life. Filled with light and darkness, but first of all I choose this life to be governed by my souls desires. In alignment with the need for a global tribe of color people. I will rise with others and create this new and old way of nature. I put my life in the service of light. This polarized reality serves me to expand my physical senses beyond the 3. dimensional. I've seen past lives, I've given birth to hundreds of children, and I will give birth to a hundred more. Now I'm giving birth to a new paradigm within myself, slowly, gently opening it outwards to shine my light, for the betterment of all.
This energy that governs everything is available always, and it will guide me by showing me my path in a glorious and loving way.
I'm an infinite source of cosmic intelligence, the waves of the sea, the orbit of the planet, the elements of nature.fire, earth, air and water. I believe in the potential of humans and I believe in our return to Lemuria.
My lives are a perfectly weaved picture puzzled pattern doors to infinity.
I have nothing more than gratitude and awe striking faith in the ways of mother universe. I give in and I let the evolution take place within in my heart.
My highest goal in this life is to feed the world with new uniting ways.
This is where the road of life turns upward in a spiraling curve and comes back down into the earth with the bright light of love. Love is the best teacher.
The way you live your life, reflects what you believe in.
What you eat, how your body functions, how you walk and talk, how you treat other people, what you buy, your relationships, how you treat nature, your hobby's, your job, your timetable, your dreams, your sense of worth, how you feel, how you connect to spirit, how you sleep, your wardrobe, where you live, the way you assert your power, the way you contribute to others and your own happiness, how you connect to your human body to your true essence: the soul, the way you breathe, which words you use, your priorities.
So what do you believe in?
Are you the best you can be for yourself?
Do you act accordingly to your heart and souls desires?
Do you feel and speak your mind openly to the people around you?
Are you holding grudges towards yourself or others?
Are you holding onto old fears and traumas?
Are you nursing your sense of self-love in any way?
Do you think loving thoughts towards other living beings and yourself?
Do you spend time in nature?
Do you breathe deep?
Do you believe you are worthy of a good life?
Do you believe you are beautiful and kind?
Do you believe yourself to be worthy of a functioning, healthy body?
- if so, do you eat healthy nourishing food, and do you feel nourished?
Do you believe yourself to be an infinite soul connected to everything?
" Letter to a friend" A letter to my 40 year old self, written one year ago in 2013, now rediscovered.
Hello. I hope the neck pain is gone, and you got love around you. I hope you keep in mind that your friends is important, even though they annoy you, and you can't sometimes understand why you are friends with them. I hope you find yourself in a state of happiness, no matter what you did with your life, where you are, who you are with, what you do. I hope you did something worthy of your abilities, and I hope the world, in some way, benefits from your presence. I hope you do what you love, and I hope you don't let others tell you what is right for you. I hope you follow your heart and that you trust your intuition. And I hope you are not sitting around, waiting for something to happen.
what to do: Love makes the world go around, and I hope you have told the ones you love, that you love them. Because your affections is not obvious to the world around you, you might need to reflect your thoughts into words. People can't read your mind. Have patience with them instead of shutting them off. Do not show off. Be humble. Just because someone is not following you every time you open your mouth, does not mean they are not worthy of your time. I hope you have taken the risk of finding someone you care about, instead of thinking about it. visualise. Listen to others, but do not lose yourself in others sorrow. Try always to do your best, even though you get tired. Sometimes just shut up and observe. Be open. Don't drink and smoke when you don't feel like it. Do cold showers, you feel good afterwards, and it clears your head. Do short, impulsive traveling. Go spend time in glorious nature. Own as few unimportant things as physically possible. Talk to strangers. Choose to be kind, always, to everyone. Try not to be a pessimist. Use your optimism, yet stay realistic, but dream big, and react to your dreams. Don't waste your "free time". Enjoy sleeping, eating, walking, bathing, bike riding, talking, reading, smiling, drinking, love.
What should I speak of, if not love?
Is it not the only truth?
Love knows no fear.
My walls turning into trees.
In this state I am the multiverse of the 13th dimension.
In your arms.
In the arms of everything.
We sleep in unison. Together. like a fetus in a womb.
I wake. hardly any light. Window cracked open. The crisp air in my lungs.
You are warm against my back, my legs.
"Happiness never real, if not shared."
I kiss the air above your eyes, to not wake you.
I go to the garden in the morning and pluck mint from the moist ground.
Wearing only rubber boots.
The sun rising, my pale skin glowing orange, my eyes squinting from the blinding light.
The smell of damp moss and smoke.
The house is singing the song of wear.
The quacking of the cold wooden floor, covered in weaved carpets of burgundy.
The kettle screaming.
I go outside to keep the red, violet, orange sky company, and sit down on a cleaved piece of wood. I drink the mint water and burn in the new day light.
The music being birds talking.
Your hand on my shoulder, warm, light.
stroking my shoulder down my hands.
You sit the wet grass beside me, your head in my lap.
You breath slowly, calmly.
I breathe slowly, calmly.
The sky is turning blue, and we are getting older.
The smell of mature apples and hyacinths is creating beautiful sounds in the atoms around us.
Not remembering anything. Just being and becoming what already is.
I stand and walk and you follow. Down to the river with the clear water. Fish, plants and rocks visible watching down. The water is cold. cleansing the life of the night away from our mental and physical bodies. from top to toe. We laugh. The shock of the cold is thrilling. Our skins turns red, and then warm.
Grasping my hand we walk each other back. Living organisms all around.
These are simple days of love.
We eat, sleep, discover, sing, paint, walk, talk, learn, teach, write love and live.
Nothing but this is real.
So why should I speak of fear, hatred, misfortune, illusion yearning, and envy, when this is reality?
I feel like sharing a smile since there is so much to be grateful for.
These tiny plum miracles from the garden.
The smell of the forest and the glorious pumpkins growing which will be on the menu for lunch.
My moon cycle ended this morning, and it has been a sensitive time filled emotional turmoil.
The full moon in pisces has effected my process deeply and brought up deep wounds and old self-hatred. Doing kundalini meditation has helped me to be more in connection with myself.
Two of the volunteers, whom I have had a great time with are leaving today, but it is actually nice having people come and go, to remind me to enjoy the present moment.
Future plans are catching up on me slowly.
So much exciting to come.
Also the ayahuasca ceremony is in EXACTLY one week from now.
Ordering the kitchen after receiving tons and tons of outdated food from the supermarket.
The owner of the area, the guy who takes us volunteers in to live with him, has an agreement with the local food store to bring him all the outdated foods, so they don't have to throw it away, and right now, we are swimming in lettuce, melons, mushrooms and other good stuff.
Apparently this initiative is called being a "freegan"
Dumpster diving, and/or live of whatever you can find/get of thrown out food from stores.
Avoiding foodwaste is the political part of it.
And well… Free food!
Day 4 of the vegatarian/no sugar diet is stabile.
I still try to avoid dairy. A bit difficult in this house.
When the other cook, there is often milk and butter and yoghurt added.
I Indulge a lot in fruit and bread.
I woke up this morning and had this beautiful vision, which I think I have had before, maybe as a child. The vision is a female human being penetrated by light from the middle the body, and then rapidly and completely evaporating into a light neutral looking light being and then disappearing into light.
The whole day I have been imagining this happening to people around me whenever I felt disconnected from my surroundings, and it makes me so peaceful and makes me feel more conscious, or "awake".
It's like a visual mantra.
it looked somewhat like this: