In the attempt not to sound like the clichee of the self motivating, spiritual workshop attending, newly enlightened guru-to-be, I might fail. But I am trying out these self-made affirmations, and I do feel them working in me... Displaying fotos in instagram filter... Hallelujah, but it looks nice, no?!
Time is slowing down. The days feels longer. I do more, feel more. Sleepingwalking with crystalclear thoughts. But its so very quiet here... So quiet. I accepted a proposal to stay at Ängsbacka to co-ordinate the café. Most likely until the summer out. I feel good about my decision. Now I have the peace to dance in the nooks and crannies of my mind and explore a deeply introspected nature of my human-ness. I feel a big change comming around. All my alarmbells are running amok. This identity of mine, who's time has been running out, slowly, all 2014, is now gasping air to stay alive. Pluto is taking good care of me. In my imagination it looks like sand being blown over a white glas surface. Blown away, leaving white empty space. Its fantastic. Lets see if we survive the winter.
Feeling heavy, raw, dark, wanting to fall into deep slumber and wake up with the sun in April. Lack of life motivation. In reality I am a dancing mountain child, and when I forget I feel trapped in this aging body. The most magical thing happend after the New year festival. All the snow that had covered the face of Ängsbacka for weeks melted away, and turned what seemingly was winter into the most gorgeous autumn landscape. My heart is amazed by the way nature simply knows.
At the closing ceremony of the new years festival of Ängsbacka, I left with a very lovely sentence, still fluxing in my head. "You are so much more than what you dream of becoming."...cute, simple, and somehow a nice mantra for my new ideas of life, idealisms, work, travel, relationships.
I've noticed a creeping feeling of "I've had enough of not loving and accepting my body fully", observing that feeling and acting on it has brought a lot of tears this year, but also a feeling of deep motivation to getting to know my body, and learning about alternative ways of physical detoxing and healing. Experimenting with water fasting, juicing, raw food-ism has broadened my vegetarian lifestyle and in many ways made my daily life easier.
It is done. 2000 and 14 has somehow left time and space for now. Whoever decided that time has those rules. I'm still in my Swedish home for now. The new years festival was great. I'll try 3 words to describe the last month of my life. Fast. Transformational. Dark.
When I get more accustomed to my new tablet I will write more stories...