Apocalypse vol. 14

Yep. The Apocalypse is upon us. Still in effect. The demise of 2014 is in procession. Welcome, and have a seat. It might take a while.
Just kidding... Apocalypse can serve the greater good as well. Spiritual apocalypse. New age warfare on the old paradigm. Die before dyeing, kind of thing. And I have been dyeing for six months. Many things has come and gone in, and out of my life. Lovers, explanations, dreams, tears, convictions, books, documentaries, cars on the highway, rainclouds, sunsets, money, realisations, diseases, pounds, gurus.
Here I am on the other side of what some might perceive as the new year. To me winter solstice makes more sense in terms of the beginning of a "new year", but who is to say, really?
Being in the midst of beautiful, deeply emotional energies here at Ängsbacka serves me as a soul-playground. A lot of experimenting with what kind of experiences I want in 2015.
At the closing ceremony of the new years festival of Ängsbacka, I left with a very lovely sentence, still fluxing in my head. "You are so much more than what you dream of becoming."...cute, simple, and somehow a nice mantra for my new ideas of life, idealisms, work, travel, relationships.
I recently read a book, that I "randomly" picked out from a bookshelf, called "the Magdalene manuscript, the Alchemies of Horus and the sex magic of Isis". Telling about an alternative view of what the bible preaches in terms of the relationship between Jesus and Mary. It's a channeled story from the author himself, which is quite resonating with the theme of my life currently. The theme being, how to connect intimately with others on a soul level to raise the vibrations and potential of your physical and non physical life. One of the approaches being love making.
I believe myself not to be ready to make love to anyone on such a level right now. Strengthening my physical body is a much higher priority in my life at this time. My feeling is that getting strong physically now will make me more able relax into those exquisite non physical energies. My self esteem and sense of self worth is strengthened this winter and I feel ready to face my body, and love it completely as it is right now.
I've noticed a creeping feeling of "I've had enough of not loving and accepting my body fully", observing that feeling and acting on it has brought a lot of tears this year, but also a feeling of deep motivation to getting to know my body, and learning about alternative ways of physical detoxing and healing. Experimenting with water fasting, juicing, raw food-ism has broadened my vegetarian lifestyle and in many ways made my daily life easier.
At the new years festival at Ängsbacka, we where offered to play "new years bingo" which entailed writing down 10 new year wishes, that will be "cashed" in next year. Amongst my feeling of apathy about new year resolutions, is also a feeling of being challenged which I chose to act upon this new year. Therefore I will now publish my 10 Bingo's for 2015; 1: do at least a month of pilgramage, 2: sing in front of a large audience, 3: make  love to a man I trust and love, 4: send physical letters to loved ones, 5: keep studying astrology, 6: paint portraits for money, 7: get physically fit and strong, 8: explore spiritual communities/eco-villages, 9: meditate, 10: do yoga.
Some of them is already accomplished which is very satisfying for my ego indeed.
Now I feel very tired, so no more... Writing soon again, perhaps.

1 kommentar:

  1. Hey Nanna!

    Thanks for sharing and I'm glad that you had a great start on the new year. I just wanted to suggest that you get a bit more specific with your goals. Some of them are specific enough, like 1,3,4 and maybe 6. But others are not, like nr 2. How large is a large audience? Is it 5 people? 10? 50? 1000?

    Or 5. When is this goal accomplished? Do you have to study 1 hour a week? A day? Or is it enough that you studied it for 5 minutes this entire year? Same for meditation and Yoga.

    7 is also very vague. Physically fit and strong can mean really anything. Do you want to be able to do 50 pushups? 10 pullups? Deadlift 100kg? Run a marathon? What is fitness for you? Only you decide that.

    I would recommend that you write down what it is you specifically want. In that case, you can ask yourself this question at the end of 2015: "Did I finish this goal?". And you will be able to answer that question with a solid yes or no.

    Lots of love!